Requests for video games are no longer being solicited.
Thank you for your submission. The reindeer read it with great delight, but upon further investigation it has come to our attention that your request for Ugg boots was plagiarized.
You’ve been coal listed. No further submissions will be accepted.
The submission guidelines clearly state the age limit for gift request submissions. You probably thought the backwards “s” at the end of your name was a clever ruse, but alas these red herrings swim past the North Pole on a regular basis. Even Rudolph wasn’t fooled.
Also, Dearfoams slippers went out in the 1990s.
Thank you for submitting “1,000 Christmas Wishes” for consideration. Unfortunately, it is over the word limit for this year’s edition of Christmas.
Stuff that in your stocking.
Holy candy canes, that was one sassy request. Unfortunately Mrs. Claus went through the slush pile before I did and has flagged your submission as being inappropriate for the young elves.
However, should you have other submissions I would greatly like to read them. Please mark “Ho” on the envelope to ensure it arrives on my desk.
Under the mistletoe,