Repeating Kindergarten

Last week I shared a Kindergarten story written for a contest held by Children’s Writer magazine that I then missed the deadline for. (That was some bad grammar right there.)

Good news, though— they’ve extended the deadline. So, I’d like some advice. I actually wrote two stories (see below), and I’m not sure which to submit. Have a read of both and *please* vote for the one you think best meets the criteria: kindergarten readership (age 5-7); theme of exploration; fun.

Attic Adventure (yeah, my titles stink)

Look, says Mac. Look at the day.
Yes, says Zac. Rain, go away!
What can we do?
Where can we play?
The attic, they say.
The attic. Hooray!

Look at the box.
Look in the box.
What do you see?
What did you find?
A book, they say.
A book. Hooray!

Look at the book.
Look in the book.
What do you see?
What did you find?
Art, they say.
Art. Hooray!

Look at the art.
Look at this part.
What do you see?
What can we do?
Draw, they say.
Draw. Hooray!

Look what I drew.
I drew one, too.
What did you draw?
What did you do?
A rainbow, they say.
A rainbow. Hooray!

Look, says Mac. Look at the day.
Yes, says Zac. The rain went away.
What can we do?
Where can we play?
The attic, they say.
The attic. Hooray!

 

Is This a Dragon Cave?

Let’s play under the porch, says Mac.
I will get my torch, says Zac.

We can catch a dragon.
I will get my wagon.

The porch looks like a cave, says Mac.
My torch will make us brave, says Zac.

Are those dragon eyes?
No, they are fireflies.

Is this a dragon head?
No, it is a sled.

Is this dragon drool?
No, it is a pool.

Is this a dragon egg?
No, it is a table leg.

Is this a dragon heel?
No, it is a wagon wheel.

Is this a dragon claw?
No, it is a paw.

Is this dragon hair?
No, it is a bear.

A bear? asks Mac.
A bear, says Zac.

A bear! they say.
A bear! Run away!

Let’s play on the porch, says Mac.
You can hold my torch, says Zac.

I’m glad there is no dragon.
The bear fits in my wagon.

Please share your thoughts! Is one way better than the other? If they both had you hiding under the porch, I want to know that, too. You’d be saving me $15.

Title suggestions also appreciated!

You guys are the best.

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9 thoughts on “Repeating Kindergarten”

  1. They are both good, but I prefer “Is this the dragon cave?”

    I suck with titles, so I won’t be any help there!

    I’m glad the deadline was extended, it would have been a shame not to have these published. Good luck!

    Like

  2. “Is This a Dragon Cave” gets my vote! Great title and keeps you guessing, I can even imagine it as a book with little flaps to open and discover surprises… Great news about the extended deadline, it’s a sign my lovely friend, Alexandra

    Like

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