Local woman Mame Zirro reportedly defecated at exactly the same time as two of her sons on Saturday afternoon.
“I was in the master en suite when the calls started,” said the flushed 40 year old mother of four. “One shouting, ‘Mom, I need to get wiped!’ from the main bathroom and the other calling, ‘Mom, I’m finished,’ from the powder room downstairs. It was a good thing I was seated, as I would have messed my pants otherwise,” said the clearly shaken woman.
Early information from authorities indicates that, although unusual, this kind of thing has happened before to other families. “In a house with six potty-trained individuals, conditions are ripe for this sort of convergence,” said local plumber Phil McCrackin.
Neighbor Dick Noseall was the first to arrive. “I was trying to look through the fence into the yard when I heard the shouting,” says the local busybody. “Then everything went eerily quiet… before I heard the flushes.”
As the crowd bloated on the street in front of the unassuming residence, the story was confirmed.
“Yep. Three distinct flushes, but in extremely rapid succession,” said next door neighbor I. P. Freely.
“I’ve never heard anything like it before,” said Emma Roid from down there.
“Holy crap,” said Pat Zanus, down the way. “You hear of this shit happening, but not in your own neighborhood.”
When Zirro’s husband arrived on the scene, he was at first angry, leaving skid marks on the driveway and yelling explosively at the dozens of neighbors still hanging around, “I’ve had a gut full of the verbal diarrhea around here.”
When he finally calmed down, Mr. Zirro took the blame for building a home with too few toilets, confirming that the bizarre situation had, indeed, occurred before, and the family was thinking of moving.
“The social stigma is just too much to bear,” said the man, evidently wiped out from the ordeal.