Heart of darkness

Looking down the street I see nothing. All the farther lights are out.
A black rolling cloud surrounds then extinguishes the second nearest lamp.
The cloud is fear, creeping closer. The near light goes out, but just before it does
I glimpse the cloud and it is not flat black but a bleeding roiling red.
Only darkness can be seen in the darkness.
I have never been afraid of the dark but this is evil.
I sense a light behind me-
I don’t see it exactly, but my periphery feels illuminated. I turn.
I sense it is Jesus, try to call out, “Jesus,”
but lips won’t open, sound comes muddy, marble filled. He doesn’t hear me
or doesn’t want to.
Light keeps receding, always behind me.
Why does he not come round where I can see him? Why does he hide?
My heart cries silent. No tears moisten dry eyes.
Why did he come if not to face me– to see me afraid?
to watch me suffer?
Why did he come if not to save me?

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